Monday, April 6, 2015
Friday, January 23, 2015
I really enjoy assignments that require real effort, hard work. After learning for 3 years with the same teacher he still knows how to make me go a bit farther each time. It's a great feeling when I know I've accomplished an assignment in Khmer and I gave it my very best. I can tell and so can my teacher. Those days make us both happy.
Yet, there I was last night chatting with my roommate, answering phone calls, scrolling through Facebook and only absent mindedly putting together Khmer sentences about HPC. At the end of the night I already knew that today's lesson wasn't going to go over very well. Going into a lesson and feeling like I don't know exactly what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it feels really vulnerable to me. Some days are harder than others when I'm trying to communicate in someone else's language and I know I haven't mastered it yet. I want to feel adequate, competent, like I'm on top of things and oh my goodness do I learn so much from this whole speaking a second language thing! Most times I probably just need a little perspective... I work with 25 Khmer colleagues who speak English as their second language almost every day and I think they're so brave, so smart and amazing simply because they're not afraid to show and try to have conversations in English, so why I can't I see that for myself about Khmer? That's another post altogether, for now back to my unprepared for Khmer lesson...
"Yvonne, tell me honestly, how long did you spend preparing this?" was his first question after my teacher listened to me stammer through 25 minutes worth of very little about HPC. So I told him. Next question, "Are you satisfied with this?" to which I again honestly answered no. "Okay, so next week try again, I know you can do better" he said. I was frustrated. I like to move on, I don't enjoy feeling stuck. I would have much rather just bombed and quit, moved on to something else next week so I didn't have to do a better job. I did learn a few words and phrases today that I needed in order to better communicate about HPC and my heart. I also got a new memory verse (because I did manage to memorize Romans 10:17 in Khmer!) which is always fun, 2 Timothy 1:7 in Khmer, woohoo!!
I knew going into this morning that I wasn't going to do my best and I really considered just canceling the lesson. I'm glad I didn't. I chose to show up instead. I chose to beat my pride back with humility and fumble through a jumble of words that was my own fault for not investing in it the way I could have (and I really could have, it wasn't a week where I didn't have time, I just chose other things...). I showed up and was held accountable as I was forced to be honest. I showed up and was given grace as my teacher patiently listened to sentences he knows I could have said more accurately, quickly and with much more ease than I did. I showed up and heard words of mercy and encouragement as I was reminded that students are students so that they can learn not because they already know it all. I showed up and was challenged (which, once I've let go of my frustration and accepted things for what they are, is motivating for me!) to give it my all next time.
Brene Brown writes in her book, Daring Greatly, "Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgement and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly." During today's Khmer lesson I was seen, it wasn't my best but I was seen. I was vulnerable and had the opportunity to be met with grace, patience, accountability, honesty and motivation to keep going!
And, this blog.... I didn't write when I wanted to this week but I'm writing now. I'm showing up. I can be seen. It's vulnerable, it's a risk. It motivates me because if I can do it tonight then I can do it next time, too. I'm choosing to see this morning's Khmer lesson as a victory because I really could have backed out, cancelled and gone to pick up a friend from the airport, but I didn't. And this writing, right now, is an even bigger victory!
Jesus showed up for me, He did not sit on the sidelines and judge where I was. He walked the earth, He died on the cross, He was vulnerable. And, I certainly see Him, I honor Him in the ways He has showed up and how He'll continue to show up. So, yeah, when He asks me to show up for a Khmer lesson in honesty instead of backing out and letting shame and pride win, I will. When He asks me to show up and start writing again, about things that matter to me, about vulnerable things, I will. I will continue to dare to show up because He continues to meet me every time.
What did you show up for? What will you show up for?
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
If you’re familiar with the DISC personality test I am an SI type which means that I really enjoy people and stability could be my love language. I like to know what to expect. I like to be able to prepare emotionally for changes.
I think there are two major factors that contribute to my deep desire for stability. First would be my childhood. I grew up in a home where very little was predictable. I never knew if the adults around me were going to be happy, hung over or high. When they were happy life was pretty great…when they weren’t it wasn’t. Now, as an adult, I really like predictability, I like having control over my environment, it makes me feel safe.
The second factor is the fact that I am visually impaired. I have adapted throughout my life so that I learn and remember things quite differently than fully sighted people. When I walk into a room for the first time I immediately begin mentally mapping it out as far as things that will stay consistent-how many chairs are there? Where are light switches located? Is there more than one entrance/exit? And this mental map will be filed away very exactly for future reference. I also make short term notes about things that change-what color shirt is she wearing today? Where exactly did my purse, jacket, shoes (I live in Cambodia, we take our shoes off inside!) get placed? If we’re eating a meal together, where are things located on the table and how can I tell them apart from each other? In this sense, predictability and stability make me feel safe and confident.
Then, last May, some of my closest Khmer friends that I work with began quitting their jobs. And I hated it.
In fact, the past few months have been full of people moving. The normal interns and teams (I’ve learned to accept this, embrace them while they’re here in the capacity that I can and say goodbye when they leave), my roommate of the past three years got married, the worship pastor and his family at my home church in America moved and two of my closest Khmer colleagues left for new opportunities. It’s (mostly) not been a lot of fun at all. I have cried a few of those cries that make your throat hurt and your eyes burn with hot tears. I have tried to convince myself that it doesn’t really matter that things are changing. I have asked God why He made me to care so deeply that it has to hurt when relationships change.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
We spent time well this morning. Together with our iced coffees, notebooks and lots of laughter. As she prepared to put her outside shoes back on for the moto (mo-ped/scooter) journey from my house to hers she suggested that we pray first. I’m always up for this idea!
So, we began to talk to the King who loves us and greatly desires that we come to His throne and share our hearts with Him. We talked with Him about our hopes and desires for this upcoming year. Desires to see specific clients healed from heart disease. Hopes for certain staff members to learn to walk in their Kingdom identities instead of what their families and society lie to them. Desires for His name to spread throughout Cambodia.
We also told the loving King about things that weigh heavy on our hearts… The names of little ones who are still being sexually abused even as they leave our programs, the complications of overcoming a mostly corrupt government in order to stand up for justice, the difficulty of trying to speak hope into situations in which the people involved haven’t met Jesus yet and so they don’t understand what resurrection means for each one of us… So many heavy things on our minds and hearts. And, He listened to each one of them. He acknowledged our frustration, validated our anger and anguish and then He reminded me of such a simple truth that I just forget most times…
When we live our lives with Him we can completely trust every single next step we take. Every. Single. One. He already knows the future He has for us. He always has the very best in mind for each of us, He created us and a Creator values what He has made. So, we can walk secure and confident because He really only has good things in store for us.
When we know that at the core of our hearts, when our spirit resonates with The Spirit, we will not even think about worrying about the heavy things because we will know that He is good.
We won’t worry about the heavy things. We will engage with them though. We will partner with the good He wants to bring. We will speak life. We will validate the pain, the anguish, the losses. We will validate them because they are real in this world. Without them, what would our hope be for?
This morning’s time with my friend and my King was soothing to my heart. Hurts, uncertainty and frustration were validated. Then we were able to securely take just the next steps towards going back to work on Thursday. We will meet every situation with validity and hope because we know He is good and so we will follow Him.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
I am currently in America where I have been for the past six weeks and will be for the next seven weeks. It is good to have a change of scenary, different pace of life for a bit. During what has become my "normal" life in Phnom Penh, Cambodia I am met daily with the reality of sexual abuse, exploitation and trafficking of children, women and men. Along with each new story that we become part of at our center for prevention and restoration comes the chance to believe a victim, form a strategy to help and pray for God's favor and wisdom as we go forward.
I know though that if I chose to keep going I would have nothing to give tomorrow. And tomorrow will come with its new stories and new opportunities for myself and our Khmer employees to help.
So, as I live in Cambodia I do choose the discipline of slowing down and shifting my focus so I am filled up by lighter things because I know it is what will help me keep going tomorrow.
But right now, tonight, I sit here in America with LOTS of time on my hands because I don't have daily committments or to-do-lists. I've chosen to stop for longer than I'm allowed in Cambodia. And as I live in this strange place of 'in between' where I don't have the same demands/opportunities that have become normal I find myself with different opportunities being given to me by my Creator.
Some days I'll see an article (or five) on Facebook about pedophiles in Cambodia and I have the opportunity to pray my heart out...His heart really. I can just sit with the pain, the anger, the hope for transformation....all my thoughts and emotions can be what they may for as long as it takes for me to feel satisfied that I have given my heart, my attention, given my all emotionally to this thing that is so complicated and can never be wrapped up in one workday.
Other days I can't stop thinking about those I've grown to love in Cambodia. Literally, can't stop. I know what their days look like, I know when to pray and what to pray for because I'd usually be there with them. God's heart of intercession blows me away when I slow down so much that I can feel what He feels, hope what He hopes and declare what He has already done and is yet to do! Allowing myself the time and space to partner with Him in this way is completely refreshing to my soul.
I don't want to leave my everyday life, it's not natural for me to walk away from things I'm invested in. But, I choose to seperate myself for a while slowing down and shifting focus because I know I need the things I gain here so I can be reconnected to His heart for me and for those around me. It reminds me of His character and I continue to follow Him.
I can't do this slowing down thing alone. In Cambodia I have friends who remind me (without even knowing it most of the time) that it's time to slow down and shift the focus to other things so we can continue well tomorrow. There's a need for us to help each other slow down and shift our focus...
Sunday, August 24, 2014
I do want you to know that I still operate this blog and the Donate link is correct and your gifts will certainly get to me :-)
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
I found this article this morning and it reminded me just how grateful I am for the freedom I have not only in the U.S. but, also in Cambodia, to read and carry around a physical copy of the Bible. Today, I will indeed find a verse that speaks to me and begin to memorize it :-)
"MEMORIZING GOD'S WORD
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16, 17 NLT)
When China’s best-known pastor, Wang Ming-dao, was finally released from prison, he stated, “In these past twenty years, I have not had a copy of the Bible. Happily between the ages of twenty-one to twenty-four, I spent my time at home doing the housework and studying the Scriptures. I memorized many passages. These passages in my heart came out one-by-one and strengthened me. Had it not been for those words of God, then not only I, but many others, would also have been defeated.”
Pastor Lamb in southern China was in prison for many years at that same time. “I understood then why I had memorized so much of God’s Word while in Bible school,” he says. “I kept my sanity only by repeating Bible verses over and over.”
The best way the church can prepare for trials and persecution is by seriously studying and learning the Word of God. Christians need an overview of the whole Bible. Understanding God’s outline for mankind in the Bible aids in memorization as well.
What is the right attitude to bring to Bible study? Some read and study the Bible with the intent to get something from it to teach to others. But first, we should approach the Bible with the desire to see the goodness and loving-kindness of God and understand how “wide and long and high and deep” is His love for us (Ephesians3:17-19). Let His love show you His supply for your own need and then you are better able to meet the needs of others.
Second, approach the Bible with humility. Study the Bible to discover what God has said. Bible study is meant not merely to inform - but to transform.
In restricted countries where Bibles are in short supply, pastors are often in a quandary as to which of the many spiritually needy he should share these precious books with. Progress in Bible memorization is one method they can use for determining who will receive the available Bibles. One house church group in Vietnam decided to give them to the believers who were most determined to use them. The criterion used was memory work. So Bibles were shared only with those who recited flawlessly Psalm 119—all 176 verses!
Open Doors is committed to provide God’s Word to those for whom it is not available. “It is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes....” (Romans 1:16)
© 2011 Open Doors International. Used by permission"
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
|One of our tuktuks|
|Showing off his|
- $60-In one month we use 180 gallons of purified water to supply the boys and our staff with safe, healthy drinking water.
- $90-One month of water and electricity for our four story building.
- $50-one month of first aid supplies.
- $90-One month for our 24/7 hotline to be operational and answered by a Khmer staff member.
- $45-One month of cleaning supplies-toilet paper, trash bags, dish soap, floor cleaner, etc.
- $75-One month of office and craft supplies.
- $80-One month of snack for our Kids Club program
- $30-One month of small prizes to give out as students progress in English classes.
- $150-one month of gas for our tuktuk driver who takes boys to the doctor, pays our utility bills, picks up and drops off a boy who cannot walk and runs many other errands on any given day!
- $1,700-One month of rent for our building.
- $3,150-one month to pay fair, honest salaries to our 16 amazing Khmer staff members who make this whole thing possible!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Right, so today I spent the whole day with Him.
Throughout the day I consumed a french press full of coffee, made some salad to eat for lunch during the week, answered some long overdue emails, prayed for many things, did some of a Beth Moore study on James that I haven't touched in weeks (months?), wrote in my journal, listened to Rita Springer almost nonstop (a bit old skewl, I know) and listened to two sermons. Now, I'm writing this as I make macaroni and cheese and get ready to go watch the Muppet Movie with a friend. Such a GOOD, FULL day!!
One of the sermons I listened to was preached by my dear friend Amy, it was from a while ago as most of the sermons I have are on my iPod and have been downloaded, I don't usually delete them. In this particular sermon she spoke about Joel 2:25, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...". This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
I love the promise of redemption. I've experienced quite a bit of "locusts" eating things. My first eight years of life were the most "normal" and I have some good memories from them. I was an only child until I was almost 9. I had my own room and almost every toy I ever wanted, had extravagant birthday parties, at holidays everyone always came over to our place and my mom was the "cool mom" on school field trips. When I turned 9 however is when the locusts began eating things that didn't belong to them. We'll just suffice it to say that the next decade or so of my life was much less than ideal.
As a result I LOVE the promise of redemption and I've been able to see it being fulfilled in my life as an adult. Not only do I love it about my own life but as I've begun to think about the boys at our center and how much redemption is in store for them....oh my gosh, I get so EXCITED!!!
So, tonight I'm speaking out dreams of life, joy, abundance, victory, peace and SO MUCH MORE for little ones who have had horrendous things happen to them in their very short lives. I feel so privileged to be part of their stories of redemption.
Who do you get to come alongside and claim the promise of redemption over their life?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
But wait, it's Wednesday morning here in Cambodia-taking a break, right? Yes. I've just skyped with some friends who are moving here in about 4 months. Then I read and replied to a few emails and commented on a Facebook photo of a beautiful new babl boy... And, I was just getting ready to write an update of my own to send out to many of you...
However, I came across a video that caught my attention. It was entitled "KONY 2012". I clicked play and waited a while as it downloaded. When I started watching I wasn't aware how long it was but I watched the entire 30 minutes. This video reminded me of something I became very passionate about back in 2006. Do you remember the "Invisible Children" campaign? It was a venue to bring awareness about the atrocities happening to children in Uganda. They were (still are) being abducted by a man named Joseph Kony and forced to kill. This man steals from children their families, their safety, their consciences and ultimately their freedom. This has been going on for 26 years now. It is injustice.
So, this morning I thought I was going to take a mini break from the injustice happening right outside my apartment. And, in a way, I did.
But I was reminded that injustice is injustice. It is not a respecter of...anything. By its nature injustice attempts to destroy respect, dignity, freedom, hope, joy....it is the ultimate ploy of our enemy.
Yes, I live in Cambodia and I personally know some people who are suffering horrific injustice, even today as I type. And, there are people in Africa who are also victims of injustice. And in India. And in Mexico. And in America. And....all over the world.
I know that it's not my job to fix any of these things. It's not your job either. It is our privileged responsibility to ask Him, the One who gave His life to bring justice into our lives, what He wants us to do along side Him. I'm very passionate about seeing freedom and justice brought to the ones I love here in Cambodia. I am also passionate about seeing justice brought in the way of capture to Joseph Kony. I am passionate about justice.
righteousness like a never-failing stream!"-Amos 5:24
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly[a] with your God." -Micah 6:8
Monday, January 16, 2012
- The Internet that allows me to communicate with so many friends around the world
- My God who hears my prayers and the prayers of my friends
- The fact that I can speak enough Khmer to have conversations with the boys at the center without needing a translator
- Knowing two of the best tuktuk drivers in all of Phnom Penh
- The blessing of working with a staff who really enjoy their jobs and want to His Kingdom come in powerful ways to Cambodia
- A water cooler when it is still 93 in my bedroom at 2a.m.
- The tile walls in our kitchen that are an ever changing art gallery of work done by friends with dry erase markers
- The blessing of living in a country where I can freely talk about and worship Jesus
- My iPod
- A cell phone system that allows the transfer of money from one SIM card to another
- This season of God's providing in abundance
- Airplanes so my friends can come to and from Cambodia for visits
- The Boys Center where younger brothers come and know they are safe, known and cared for by Jesus and a staff of older brothers and sisters
- Games of Jenga with Panha
- Tuktuk rides to work with my sweet friend Somphoas that double as great Khmer practice times
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Today was such a good day!
This morning I decided that I was not going to do ANY admin work at the center. That meant I got to spend our three hour long morning being with the kids and our staff, WOOHOO!!!
On any Monday-Thursday morning from 8:30-11:30 there are various English, computer and playroom classes going on in the building. Playroom is a unique setting where the boys come in for one hour at a time and sit in small groups of about 3-5 with one or two Khmer staff members. During this hour the kids play with various legos, erector sets, playdough, race cars, do puzzles, read books....all while building relationships with our staff who are being trained in play therapy techniques.
Once a week we get a special treat when our friend Kim comes to visit! She and her family (husband and two sons) live in Cambodia and when she comes to the center she usually brings a fun science lesson to share with us! Once it was making volcanoes, another time we talked about the bones in our bodies and another we made kazoos out of straws! She also brings her sons with her-a 5 year old and a 3 year old.
Kim and her family have only been here for a few months so they are just beginning to learn the language. This does not inhibit her boys from jumping right in and playing with "our" boys though! Today I was filled with gratitude, joy and....well, awe, really...as I watched her 5 year old son P. and one of our 9 year old boys, D., play together....
As soon as they saw each other this morning P. and D. began speaking with each other in the fragments of English D. has learned and Khmer P. has picked up. They sat together in the "quiet room" and completed two puzzles. It was so fun to watch because they were not just sitting next to each other working independently on different sections of the puzzles but they were truly cooperating to put together the entire picture. These boys have only known each other for about 6 weeks and only interact once a week for an hour! I LOVE the honesty of being a child and I especially love that these boys show each other kindness, acceptance and generosity. This is what the Kingdom of God will be like....and even better :-)
Jesus tells us in Matthew 18 that unless we become like children we will not enter heaven. I am so grateful for the opportunity He gave me to learn from these two today! They do not even give any attention to their very obvious differences instead they saw their common goal and seized the opportunity to help one another, learn some new words from one another and have lots of fun together while doing these things!
Lord, would You help me to step out in courage in spite of the obvious differences....I long to enjoy simply living life alongside my brothers and sisters here without fear of mispronouncing a word, without hesitation at doing something differently than I've done in the past and without pride in ideas and theories that I think are THE right ones....I long to stand next to staff members and see these boys through YOUR eyes so we will see the same things in them, I want to stand with these boys You've put in front of me and hear YOUR words of Truth, Freedom and Promise for their lives so that I can join You in speaking them out in English and Khmer!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I've said before that writing helps me to make sense of things. I'm a verbal processor and well, there are just a few less people for me to process with here so not only has the Lord been showing me in such wonderful ways that He always wants to hear my thoughts but He has also been reminding me of the outlet that writing can be.
The past 2 days have been filled with some pretty crazy things happening.....I'm warning you now that some of the things written below are not lighthearted and maybe you don't want to know, it's okay with me if you don't read this blog. I just needed a place to make sense of the things that have going around in my mind.
Here is my attempt to begin to figure out all that happened during the past 48 hours....
- My Khmer sister prayed for my ear that had been stopped up with water, she also prayed for my eyes and thanked God for the leader that I am and for my heart for Cambodia....best part-she prayed in Khmer and I understood about 85% of it!
- Upon returning to work on Monday morning after a week off I was greeted by 5 of my favorite boys with hugs, high fives and "sok sabai, kinyom nuk Yvonne"'s (How are you? I missed you!)
- The Khmer fire marshal showed up unannounced (as many things are here) and proceeded to charge us money to purchase 2 additional fire extinguishers and stickers to put on all of our fire extinguishers which they will come back and reinspect in six months....
- I celebrated a dear friends 65th birthday at a new restaurant. This lady amazes me....she grew up in Phnom Penh as part of a missionary family. She lived in N.Y.C. for 30 years. She lost her husband a few years ago and is now living in Phnom Penh again and working with us! Our Khmer staff call her "yay" which is a very endearing term for grandma :-)
- I found out that one of little girls at Wat Phnom has a broken leg from a moto accident!
- I ate cold chicken and rice for breakfast :-)
- I thought about studying Khmer
- I listened as Panha told me that one of the boys who had been sold for sex last march came to him this morning and told him that he is still being sexually abused at home. My heart broke and I had no clue as to what to do next. (Now though, twelve hours later, he will have a meeting with a trauma counselor tomorrow afternoon....positive steps in a positive direction....remembering that one day ALL THINGS will be made right...)
- During playroom I was served the BEST imaginary coffee, fried rice and duck egg by my favorite seller, K., and he didn't even charge me any money for my meal :-)
- The staff had a great "meeting" where we played a game much the opposite of Jenga-each person picked one block and had to stack on top of the person before them. We then used this game to teach about the Tower of Babel....so fun to watch 20 something year old Khmer guys laugh and get all nervous about the next block!
- I thought about studying Khmer (yep, I thought about it more than once...)
- I spent hours putting financial info into a spreadsheet....ugh!
- I clarified the words "cooperation" and "corporation"
- I shared Oreos with Ruthie
- I ate an ice pop made of peach juice while listening to worship music....best 20 minutes ever....
- I watched as 15 boys eagerly crowded around a world map as we pointed out different countries.
- I prayed for wisdom, courage and eyes to see things as He sees them for myself and the staff as we deal with kids who are being sold, kids who steal, kids who don't respect things that belong to other people....kids who are creative, kids who are persistent, kids who WILL grow up to men of integrity...
- My 4 year old friend, P., and I had pork and rice for lunch.
- I watched the sunset out my kitchen window....sweet
- Was gonna study Khmer ten minutes before my lesson....then my "loke crew" (teacher) came 15 minutes early.....Hey, I thought about it
- I did the dishes and hung my clothes up to dry while Jesus and I talked about the awful things happening to that one family...and that other family....and this kid and that one....He reminded me that He is sovereign and that He cares for them and loves them even more than I could ever want to....
I'm glad He's in charge. It means I can breathe. It means that at the end of the day things won't come crumbling to pieces around me....and, if it seems like they have....He'll show me what my part is in the repairing process as long as I'm listening.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Tonight my "loke crew" (teacher) and I were talking about our day at work and he relayed a story that I was very proud of myself for understanding completely in Khmer (which was demonstrated when I laughed at the appropriate moment) and I think you'll enjoy this story as well.
No, I can't write a single Khmer symbol so my retelling will be done in English :-)
Today during an English lesson the teacher was using a children's book about manatees. The book was being read entirely in English. The students, a group ranging in age from five to twelve, were really enjoying the book. They liked the pictures and were learning lots of new English vocabulary.
One page told about the fact that a manatee is also sometimes called a "sea cow" (I did not know that until today, did you??). A five year old boy burst into hysterical laughter as this page was read.
Here's the thing, in Khmer when you speak the words "sea" and "cow" they have very different meanings than in English.
If you say the word "sea", in English phonetics just as it is written, you are saying "eat" in reference to an animal. Example, "the dog eats bones" would be "the dog sea bones" (well, okay, "the", "dog" and "bones" are not pronounced the same in Khmer...don't misunderstand and think Khmer is simple).
And, the word "cow", pronounced just as it is written, means.....pants.
Ahem....so...."the manatee is also called a sea cow".....and cue adorable five year old laughter as he pictures a manatee eating pants :-)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I spent an hour this evening with one of my Khmer friends. The original intention was for me to be learning the language during this hour. But, my friend certainly had a lot on his mind. Thoughts of a sibling who recently had dengue fever and spent a few days in the hospital setting the family back a bit financially, thoughts about a test tomorrow, thoughts of decisions that will effect the future, thoughts about responsibilities at work, thoughts of clients we both work with who are having a rough time right now....By no means an easy load to be carrying.
And, when my lesson (which, today, was more of a good conversation with my younger brother about life) was over he left to go home. It was pouring rain and he drove his moto about 20 minutes to get there.
So, he left and I walked into my bedroom.....and that's when I was hit with reality.
You see, I so desperately wanted to tell my friend to go home and get some rest, some time alone, some down time. I wanted him to get to a physical place where he could truly rest. But, I didn't say that because even as I thought it I knew it wasn't possible for him.
And yet, there I stood in my LARGE bedroom, so large it's almost the size of where he, his 3 brothers and parents all live together. It was quiet in my room. I had a fan on and could've even turned on the air con if I'd wanted to. I could set my iPod to a worship playlist and drown out the rest of Cambodia. I could peacefully sit on my balcony and enjoy the rain not having to worry about my apartment flooding.
And, 20 minutes away people I know and love live such a different life....in fact, I'm sure that quite less than 20 minutes away people God loves live quite a different life than I do.
I grew up in inner city America. Until I was in my 20's I thought living life was about surviving, at best! Each day was a new challenge to "make do with what ya got". Don't even bother having wants, dreams, needs that are beyond what's right in front of you because nobody will listen and there's no way to make things any better.
During college I began to understand His love for me, during the past year I've grown to know how my Father longs to care for His daughter. And IT IS GOOD. During the past few years the Holy Spirit has been recreating the way I think and perceive things. I believe that I am worth being loved. I believe that His desire is for the best for my life. I look at each and every way He has redeemed, provided for and guided me and I'm enormously grateful.
So, I sit here on my bed typing on my laptop. And I'm grateful. Not simply for the material things for I've learned not to cling tightly-one tuktuk ride and my Kindle is broken, one drop of my camera at Wat Phnom and it won't work anymore, one speck of strawberry lemonade powder gets outside its container and the ants have infiltrated the entire thing :-) No, this gratitude is so much deeper-it runs all the way into my soul, deep, deep down so that I can praise Him for the circumstances of my life because He has brought me through it all to right where I am today.
As for my friend....he belongs to the same loving, providing, sovereign God I do. I know he'll seek the rest and peace He desires to give and because my friend seeks, our God will come through.
It probably will look a bit different from what I call peace and rest....and that makes glad. If God provided in the same way for each of us, I wouldn't be learning nearly as much from my Khmer brothers and sisters.
How about you? Has He shown you how grand His plan is, that He provides for and interacts with each of us so uniquely?
Jesus, I love the way You know each one of us so very well. Thank You for Your promise of providing rest and peace when we seek You. Thank You for the ways You've directed my life to bring to right where I am. Thank You for the ways in which You direct the lives of my friends...those in Cambodia, those who are reading this right now...Thank You that You are so very trustworthy and good.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Days have been l-o-n-g the past two weeks with an amazing, very energetic, Kingdom minded short term team here with us. Each day is jam packed with things to do and I do enjoy having so much to be part of! Last week, there was so much I wanted to come home and write about each day for all of you to read. But....I came home and tiredness and Modern Family won out on the nights when I didn't already have plans :-)
So tonight, I'll just write about today instead of trying to catch up on the past. Maybe I'll get to some of those great stories, someday.
I woke up at 5:15am and for those of you who have ever seen me before 8:30am, you are well aware that I was quite incoherent for a while. I did, however, have an iced coffee since I cold brewed it last night and I listened to music for about an hour. These things work miracles for my morning mood!
Rode a half hour to the boys center, arrived at 7:15, the team ate their breakfast of yogurt, fruit and pastries.
I like what's been happening at 7:30! The team, us Western H.P.C. members and our 9 Khmer staff members (8 guys, 1 girl) all have a devotional time together that usually ends with about 20 minutes of worship (a few of our Khmer brothers are excellent worship leaders!) and prayer.
At 8:15 a small group heads out to Wat Phnom where they lead Kids Club for 2 hours followed by about an hour of family visits with some of our regular kids.
Another small group stays at the boys center and continues the painting, cleaning, organizing that has been going on.
My group was the group that got to go out into the neighborhood
this morning. I was particularly excited about today because we were going to visit a family I've come to love so much. I wrote about their story earlier this year here.
Things have begun to change for this precious family. My friend, Panha, who is also one of our Khmer staff members, led the mother and grandmother to the Lord about a month ago! They have also moved from where they were living on the streets to a room (it has walls, a roof and a bathroom) in one of the slum areas of the city. Might be the slum but, it's certainly a step up from where they were....
I hadn't seen them yet since I've been back. The family consists of the mom, the grandma, the father (he's an alcoholic and not usually around) and 6 children ranging in age from 17 down to about 9 months. Three of the kids now attend school through another organization here.
We were going with the intention of teaching the women how to pray and bringing them a large plastic barrel for them to collect water in since their water only runs for about 4 hours per day. They need water for many things during the day such as bathing, cooking, washing clothes....
When we arrived we were greeted by my 4-year old friend who should've been in school. We came to find out that this past weekend he had cut his hand on a nail in the door, this makes perfect sense to me, he's quite the active little guy!
Have no fear though-18-year old Panha to the rescue! I mean seriously, he has loved them persistently for the past year including when we found out some horrific news about them, he's led the adult females of this family to the Lord and he has been a social worker in helping them get their home and the kids into school!
Then today! Today he pulls out the first aid kit, puts on some gloves and cleans and bandages physical wounds! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I learn about Jesus from my Khmer brothers...well, be assured, I learn a ton).
So, we, all 7 of us plus the 5 members of the family who were home sat on the floor as Panha simultaneously told me to practice my Khmer with the family and fixed our young friend up.
And we did give them that barrel for the water too :-)
It was SO GOOD to be back in the same country, to be able to encourage not only Panha but also the rest of our Khmer staff. To not have to wait for Skype delays but to be able to look them in the eye and tell them that they are truly bringing His Kingdom into the darkness of this world....that's my absolute favorite part about being here in person.....
Phew, and that's just what I did before 11:30am!!
I'm honored to be here, honored to see His love for His people regardless of the language we speak, the choices we make and the way others perceive us....He loves us all the same.